I become a world traveler and get in trouble

China was pretty cool. The trip was loooong. My God. How do people who fly for a living stand it? They tried to make me check my guitar and I gave them the "you'll get my guitar when you pry it from my cold dead hands" look and they just shut up. I serenaded the whole plane to show my forgiving spirit. What could they do? Throw me off?

I have a couple of new fans now.

The training Travis came all this way for turned out to be some kind of funky ancient Chinese breathing techniques. While he was learning to breathe *cue eyeroll*, I went exploring. This whole country and most of the stuff in it is older than anything I've ever seen or heard of. It's kind of like stepping back in time. They gave me a tourist guide which I used to steady the wobbly breakfast table in the hostel. I didn't want to see tourist stuff. I wanted to poke my nose into nooks and crannies and dark corners. I guess I poked a little too hard.

Well, what would any red blooded girl have done? You accidentally uncover a hidden staircase, what do you do? Is there any option?

I'm telling you, I felt like I'd stepped into a Dungeons and Dragons game. Or one of those old Universal horror movies. Dark, dank, smelly subterranean passageways, flickering torches, the whole nine yards. It was the coolest thing ever.

Until I fell into a damned pool or well or something in the dark. Then it was the coldest thing ever. You have not felt cold until you've fallen headfirst into water that has never been warmed by the sun.

That might not have been so bad if the trap door at the top of the stairs hadn't stuck shut. Okay, maybe I'm just a weakling and couldn't lift it. Maybe Travis is right and I should work out more. But the time to realize that is not when you're stuck in a FREAKING UNDERGROUND DUNGEON and didn't bother to tell anybody where you were going.

I finally found a door and it had a big damn chain across it. The cosmos is having one big belly laugh at you, Zayne.

I wandered around for two million years. I did the whole Nancy Drew thing, tapping on walls and trying to move loose stones and stuff. Nothing. Nothing except, finally, in a niche I'd already walked right past twice, a big hole in the wall that was just screaming "put your hand in here, sucker." Hey, I have seen the Indiana Jones movies. I know what's going to be in there. Bugs. and maybe snakes.

It was cold and slimy, but there was, I'm not even kidding, a big old iron lever way back in there. I pulled it hard and heard a grinding sound from deep within the thick stone walls. Nancy Drew comes through again!

Sure enough, a door was there where there'd been no door a minute ago. God, that was cool. And ... um ... who am I kidding? Scary as shit.

We went to the Martial Arts Academy and Travis took to it like a duck to water. I decided an ounce of bravado was worth a pound of actual skill. Can't touch this, mister wooden kung fu thing.

I really started getting into it. I felt like Lucy Liu. Or more like Michelle Yeoh, since Lucy Liu is actually American. Anyway, before long I was kicking ass and taking names. Hee, hee.

This is what you get to wear when you get your first belt. Cool, huh? It's nice, but it just wasn't ... pink enough. So I fixed it.

I'd seen on the tourist guide that there was an ancient cemetery. I thought how cool it would be to tell Wyatt I'd met some Chinese ghosts, so I left Travis sleeping the sleep of the just and went there alone. It looked old, all right, but I didn't see one single ghost. I even went into the mausoleum to see if they were all in there. That turned out to be a mistake. Those ancient ghosts are meaner and scarier than our kind. I'll never learn.

They had this notice board, and Travis found a guy offering to be a sparring partner if you were good enough. Obviously, he had to go prove that he was.

We found him taking care of his garden - in his underwear. I love China!

This guy was serious stuff. He could do these wicked leaps into the air like in the movies. But Travis kept right on blocking and ducking, and got in a few hits. He did himself proud. He did me proud.

That's not all we found time for.

The next time I felt like going exploring, I made Travis go with me.

You want me to stick my hand in where??

Hey, I did it.

Turned out to be worth it. We found lots of shiny pretties. We checked, and they said we could keep them. I think they also said some things about tourists and Indiana Jones and Hollywood under their breath as we were leaving.

You don't have to tell me playing a sweet riff in the beautiful, ancient countryside of a foreign land, with trees you've never seen and smells you've never smelled, and waterfalls off in the distance, is no different from playing in Central Park. I know that.

Bullshit. It's way different.

Scooooore!