I hit the big time

I don't know whether it has anything to do with his new state of being, or whether he's just been practicing, but Wyatt has developed the ability to walk through solid objects like walls. I would have assumed all ghosts could do that, but come to think of it, I've always seen him use doors before, like the rest of us. It's a cool thing to be able to do, regardless. Makes sneaking up on people much easier.

He seems to have forgotten that the key to sneaking up on somebody is to not let them see you.

If at first, you don't succeed.

It's the simple pleasures you live for.

Oh, for cryin' out loud, Acosta, you need to get out more.

And what does he think he's laughing at? I don't think I like this maid.

I was hanging around downtown, playing for tips, when I spotted Stiles and Pauline Wan looking like they needed to get a room. I didn't like that one little bit. Watch your back, Pauline, you maneater. Stiles is a sweetheart who would never hurt a fly. You break his heart and I'll break your fat ass.

It was a great night for performing. Some nights when the weather is fine, people congregate in that little square in front of the theater and the bookstore. I just love that. It's like a little street party. People are feeling good, and laid back, and it makes them generous with the tips. I actually made more in tips that night than I make in ticket sales in a single concert at the stadium.

The Egon's is still THE place to be at 3 o'clock in the morning. This time I saw Zelda Mae and Tamara Donner there. They must have been on their way out, and the door was still standing wide open. I got a good peek.

The bald baby Dax is carrying around is Cyclone's kid Kiki. This is like the fifth time I've seen her over there. Somebody new takes her each time. With 6 other people to babysit, I guess Cyclone can't be bothered. I'd never let go of a kid that cute if it was mine. I still want to know what she'd look like with hair, though. Shouldn't she have grown some by now? I hope for her sake it's not some weird genetic abnormality.

They've got another new baby, and it looks like Ginny is pregnant again! That tiny house must be bursting at the seams. Where do you suppose they put them all to sleep? In the kitchen drawers? Well, now we know how Dax likes to spend his time off from work. Do you suppose he ever lets that poor woman get any sleep?

Travis has learned to break boards with his bare hands. Damn. okay, those aren't real boards, they're styrofoam trainers, but I won't tell if you won't.

I finally got Wyatt out of the house, for everybody's peace of mind. Continuing to embrace the habits of his former life, he's taken up the guitar again. He's a little rusty. I finally got my wish of jamming with a ghost! I sure don't know anybody else who can say that.

Victoria Andrews wanted me to come to the diner and talk about cooking. She taught me to make lobster thermador. I don't know if I could ever be a chef. I do enjoy cooking, but I just don't think I could bring myself to wear a hat that looks that stupid.

For some time now, I've been playing to crowds too large to fit into the theater. More concerts per night just isn't cutting it anymore, so I'm playing at the stadium now, almost exclusively. Me, fill a stadium? Believe it. It's true. I'm packing them in and raking in the bucks, especially if I do more than one concert a night. It's a lot more lucrative, but a lot more taxing.

I should get them to spell out my name with those searchlights. Heh, heh.

Damn it all, the girl in that poster doesn't look a thing like me!

I have to hand it to Zelda. She's a great manager. They don't even send the band bus for me anymore. Know what they send? My very own limo! A PINK limo! Can you believe it?

I am the man.

That's not all. I can finally buy my dream house on the beach. I've wanted this house forever. It's actually built right on top of a huge swimming pool. The beach is literally right outside the back door. This house just screams "I made it!" I hear the Jeffersons theme song in my head every time I look at it. Well, a bona fide rock star can't keep on living in the poor section of town, can she?

I moved in today and it's officially mine, mine, mine! Travis and Wyatt both came with me. We bought it furnished, and sold the ugly furniture from Travis's bachelor pad. I'll be making some changes. But right now, I'm just going to walk around drooling over the big open floorplan, and all the glass, and the killer view of the beach. And I'm going to put on some socks and slide all over the hardwood floors from one end of the house to the other. And Travis and I are going to christen every room, if you know what I mean.

I become a world traveler and get in trouble

China was pretty cool. The trip was loooong. My God. How do people who fly for a living stand it? They tried to make me check my guitar and I gave them the "you'll get my guitar when you pry it from my cold dead hands" look and they just shut up. I serenaded the whole plane to show my forgiving spirit. What could they do? Throw me off?

I have a couple of new fans now.

The training Travis came all this way for turned out to be some kind of funky ancient Chinese breathing techniques. While he was learning to breathe *cue eyeroll*, I went exploring. This whole country and most of the stuff in it is older than anything I've ever seen or heard of. It's kind of like stepping back in time. They gave me a tourist guide which I used to steady the wobbly breakfast table in the hostel. I didn't want to see tourist stuff. I wanted to poke my nose into nooks and crannies and dark corners. I guess I poked a little too hard.

Well, what would any red blooded girl have done? You accidentally uncover a hidden staircase, what do you do? Is there any option?

I'm telling you, I felt like I'd stepped into a Dungeons and Dragons game. Or one of those old Universal horror movies. Dark, dank, smelly subterranean passageways, flickering torches, the whole nine yards. It was the coolest thing ever.

Until I fell into a damned pool or well or something in the dark. Then it was the coldest thing ever. You have not felt cold until you've fallen headfirst into water that has never been warmed by the sun.

That might not have been so bad if the trap door at the top of the stairs hadn't stuck shut. Okay, maybe I'm just a weakling and couldn't lift it. Maybe Travis is right and I should work out more. But the time to realize that is not when you're stuck in a FREAKING UNDERGROUND DUNGEON and didn't bother to tell anybody where you were going.

I finally found a door and it had a big damn chain across it. The cosmos is having one big belly laugh at you, Zayne.

I wandered around for two million years. I did the whole Nancy Drew thing, tapping on walls and trying to move loose stones and stuff. Nothing. Nothing except, finally, in a niche I'd already walked right past twice, a big hole in the wall that was just screaming "put your hand in here, sucker." Hey, I have seen the Indiana Jones movies. I know what's going to be in there. Bugs. and maybe snakes.

It was cold and slimy, but there was, I'm not even kidding, a big old iron lever way back in there. I pulled it hard and heard a grinding sound from deep within the thick stone walls. Nancy Drew comes through again!

Sure enough, a door was there where there'd been no door a minute ago. God, that was cool. And ... um ... who am I kidding? Scary as shit.

We went to the Martial Arts Academy and Travis took to it like a duck to water. I decided an ounce of bravado was worth a pound of actual skill. Can't touch this, mister wooden kung fu thing.

I really started getting into it. I felt like Lucy Liu. Or more like Michelle Yeoh, since Lucy Liu is actually American. Anyway, before long I was kicking ass and taking names. Hee, hee.

This is what you get to wear when you get your first belt. Cool, huh? It's nice, but it just wasn't ... pink enough. So I fixed it.

I'd seen on the tourist guide that there was an ancient cemetery. I thought how cool it would be to tell Wyatt I'd met some Chinese ghosts, so I left Travis sleeping the sleep of the just and went there alone. It looked old, all right, but I didn't see one single ghost. I even went into the mausoleum to see if they were all in there. That turned out to be a mistake. Those ancient ghosts are meaner and scarier than our kind. I'll never learn.

They had this notice board, and Travis found a guy offering to be a sparring partner if you were good enough. Obviously, he had to go prove that he was.

We found him taking care of his garden - in his underwear. I love China!

This guy was serious stuff. He could do these wicked leaps into the air like in the movies. But Travis kept right on blocking and ducking, and got in a few hits. He did himself proud. He did me proud.

That's not all we found time for.

The next time I felt like going exploring, I made Travis go with me.

You want me to stick my hand in where??

Hey, I did it.

Turned out to be worth it. We found lots of shiny pretties. We checked, and they said we could keep them. I think they also said some things about tourists and Indiana Jones and Hollywood under their breath as we were leaving.

You don't have to tell me playing a sweet riff in the beautiful, ancient countryside of a foreign land, with trees you've never seen and smells you've never smelled, and waterfalls off in the distance, is no different from playing in Central Park. I know that.

Bullshit. It's way different.

Scooooore!

I catch up with old "friends?!"

It's getting damned hard to get any privacy around here. Ghosts, maids, what have you. Well, at least this guy seems to be enjoying the show. Glad we could entertain him.

I'm going to have to get caught up on my neighborhood spying. I'm missing a lot. Hank Goddard has adjusted to his bachelor lifestyle with a vengeance. There's a steady stream of women in and out of that place lately. I swear to God, one comes out and the next goes in. What are you doing over there, Hank? I hope you're reading them their rights first.

Morgana Wolff was at the concert the other night with little Monika. They sure like to keep that poor kid out late. I don't know about Morgana. She always looks like she smells something bad.

Monika's a little sweetheart, but I wish to god her parents would let her hair grow so she'd look like a girl.

I ran into Wayne Garth, too. He greeted me warmly, but I didn't get a chance to catch up and ask how Tamara was, because all of a sudden the guy starts going off on me. He seems to blame me for the fact that Travis wasn't on his game, and they lost. Jesus Christ! I don't CHAIN the man to the bed. Get a grip.

I draw an interestingly diverse crowd, I've noticed. In case you were wondering, this is what NOT to wear.

I've had nothing good to say about Craig for a very long time now, as my blog readers know. But I still felt sick to my stomach when I heard he'd burned to death in a fire. That's harsh even for a two-faced cheating horny bastard. Yeah, I know. I should learn to say what I really think. Hah.

On the way home the other night, I spied Emma Hatch standing outside the Egon's house. For some reason, she had Cycl0n3's kid with her. Did I mention he actually married Demetria and had a kid? I thought he'd never get married.

She's an exceptionally beautiful child, judging from that quick glimpse. I wonder what she'll look like when she gets hair. I don't suppose I'll ever know, since her parents don't like me. Jerks. What is it about the men in my life? I swear to God, when Travis gets sick of me and decides to move on, he better not be a tool about it, that's all I've got to say.

I haven't spent much time with the Egons lately, but I got to see some recent snapshots of the kids. Kristi, the oldest, is growing up to be quite beautiful. She looks a lot like her mom except for the patented Egon Nose. Look at that expression, though. Jeez, I hope she hasn't inherited her mom's disposition. Maybe it was just one of those bad snapshots. Little Darma's beautiful too, but I think she looks more like her dad.

 

I was having party withdrawal, so we invited a few friends for a little get-together at the beach. Just a few teammates of Travis's, at least the ones he likes. It was good to see Tamara and Wayne (in a good mood) again, and I got to find out why I haven't seen Tamara around much. She doesn't live with Wayne any more. She and Ran are an item now. I think I introduced them. Awesome! Go me! She's moved in with him and his roommate, Staci Boothe, who once had a fling with Wayne. It's all very Young and the Restless. I need a flow chart.

It was a pretty good party. Everybody was late for practice, but Coach Keaton couldn't bust any balls because he was at the party too. Parker started laying on the compliments, but he skedaddled in a hurry when Travis came over. Haha. Wuss. That's okay. Travis knows what to do when he thinks a man might be getting a little too flirty with his woman. Take her home and remind her just exactly who it is she needs to be getting flirty with.

Travis got promoted to team captain. Even cooler than that, they want him to travel, all expenses paid, to China to study under some famous Chinese athlete. Isn't that awesome? Natch, he's taking me with him. Not like I gave him a choice. Haha! Honestly, can you even picture ME in China? Shocking pink and barefoot? I'll stick out like a sore thumb. How cool is that? LOL. I can hardly wait.