I get maternal

Well, well. I heard via the grapevine a few weeks ago that Craig had gotten married. This morning I read in the paper that he's had a baby girl.

I don't know why I even care. It's not as though I was in love or anything. Really. Or not much. Dammit. I just like to know where I stand with a guy. I wonder if his wife knows he plays for both teams? I wonder if she knows how much he cheats on her? That he cheated while she was pregnant with his child? There are rules, for God's sake.

 

Well, I never would have expected this in a million years. I was chilling in the park, just catching up on the latest gossip, when Morgana Wolff, who looked like she'd swallowed a basketball, actually went into labor right in front of me. A bunch of people started freaking out, and I had no idea what to do.

Then it dawned on me that nobody was going to do anything, and she was going to drop that poor kid right there on the asphalt. I pulled my shit together and got her to the hospital somehow. Somebody had to. She was in no condition to do anything but stand there and scream. I wasn't feeling so hot myself. I waited around the hospital because I hadn't seen hide nor hair of anybody else volunteering to take care of her. It was actually a really quick delivery. She must have been about two seconds from delivering when we got there. I suppose the stress of having your baby in a park would have a tendency to accelerate things a tad!

Anyhow ... it's a girl, and they were both fine. I took mom and baby home because nobody had any idea where Thornton was.

He was home by the time we arrived. As it turned out, he'd been kept late at the office, with his phone turned off, for his whatchamacallit, his performance evaluation. As a result, he came home with a big, fat promotion as well as a new baby.

He was so proud, he looked about to burst. He actually puffed out his chest just the way they describe in books. It was so adorable.

I got to play with little Monika, and I stayed to babysit while Dad made dinner and Mom got some much needed shut-eye.

They named the baby Trinity. Isn't that cute? I gave her her first bottle.  I thought she was beautiful, and I never think that about babies. She's warm and soft and cuddly, and makes cute little noises and she smells delicious. I may actually want one of these one day.

Oh, I almost forgot about what I overheard at the park. People are saying Pauline Wan has a new boyfriend. His name, get this, is Gustavo! And I know for a fact that Hank is still living alone. I wonder if she at least lets him visit his new baby. Oh my god. Oh my God! I'm so gullible sometimes. It might not be his. Duh. I didn't think of that. Oh, man. They seemed like such a perfect couple, too.