You can't get good help any more

I'm having the worst luck with maids all of a sudden. I had to fire Grady because he was being lazy and leaving things undone. I hated doing it, because he was the best maid they had. His replacement, I don't even remember his name, was okay for a while, I guess. To tell you the truth, I didn't pay much attention. Then one morning while Stiles and I were having breakfast, he came in and made himself a bowl of cereal and sat down and ate with us, then he sat down and started watching TV. I think the only work he did was to make the bed. He left with the shower dirty and the trash bin full, and he had the balls to charge me full price. I gave him the sack too.

Now this new guy, for two days in a row he comes in and immediately starts yelling at me for who knows what? I can't understand him. But I can sure understand the tone of his voice, and he just doesn't like me for some reason. Maybe he's a prude and doesn't like walking in on me in my nightie or underwear. Tough shit. If he doesn't like what he sees, he can stop coming in the mornings. He knows I sleep late. They all know. Well, I'm not going to let it bother me unless he stops doing his job. Tons of other people like me. In fact, I'm pretty damn popular around here. As conceited as that sounds, it's true. I'm even getting asked for my autograph around town.

I was too lazy to cook breakfast today, so I had some leftover key lime pie. My favorite. I thought it looked okay, but damn!

I didn't start feeling bad until I got to the gym, where I thought I might work out a little. I've been a real couch potato lately except for playing gigs at night. And sex. Sex burns a ton of calories.

I ran all the way over there because it wasn't too far, and then I got on the treadmill. Oh, boy. Mistake. That pie came up like a freaking freight train, and I had to run for the bathroom faster than I'd been running on the treadmill! Yuck. I hate throwing up more than anything.

I noticed Emma goes to that gym, too. She came in and started doing jumping jacks next to me - before I took off like a rocket for the john, that is. She must be a pretty good cook, because she's been kind of ballooning up lately. Probably an occupational hazard.